There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
