I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
