I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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