paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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