We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Small penises have feelings too.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
