you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
