Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
