I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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