What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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