Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
