just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How does one acquire holy water?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
