Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
