that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
