I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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