there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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