did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
