Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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