i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
