at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
