Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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