Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am available for nakedness
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
