You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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