Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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