maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
