That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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