my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My cat gives me a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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