I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
