i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
