He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
