Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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