This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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