Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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