dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I smell stomach acid.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
