She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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