I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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