So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
4 words: hood of his car
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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