I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
