i always forget guys have bellybuttons
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't notice because vodka
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
