I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
