M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize