Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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