you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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