I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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