Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
