Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
