i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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