He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
