My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
