I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
