its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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