i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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