Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
