I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I smell stomach acid.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
