Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
