I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
