The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
