I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
