fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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