he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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