Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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