Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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