I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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