I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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