Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
