mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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