Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
