Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
