so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
