if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
