I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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