haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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