me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
