The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
