I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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