Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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