Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
