This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
