i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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