One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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