I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
