dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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